Comedy Hour: My Mama is BONKERZ

So my mama is like, wayyyyyy Type A.  Always has been.  She’s a supermode perfectionist, planner, doer, attention to detail kind of girl.  It’s really quite endearing.  I wish I had these qualities for myself.  I mean, okay, I’m a bit anal about neatness and organized drawers and color coded closets and logically arranged school notebooks, but that is the extent of my meticulousness.   I can take a vacation and not plan a single activity and be completely happy.  I can come home from work and do absolutely nothing with the pile of laundry that has been needing to be folded for 3 days, even though there are no pairs of clean socks in my underwear drawer.  I can go to the grocery store with no idea of what I’m going to get.  I’m okay with that stuff.  Rest brings peace.  No plans, no worries. 

I realized the extent of my Mama’s OCD on a recent trip home to Louisiana to spend a little time with the ol’ fam.  It was a chill visit with nothing much to do but hang around the house and fuck off.  I was lounging on the sofa when I looked down and noticed these lists…..  As I looked closer, I realized what the lists were detailing.  Take a look. 

*It’s important to notice the math and specific names and monetary amounts.  I doubt people get this detailed with their wills. 




After I realized what was going on with this list, I asked Mama if she was just messing around this one time for fun.  No.  Not messing around.  This crazy lady does this (notice the date in the upper left-hand corner) weekly; SOMETIMES twice a week. Hardcore.

So Mama has detailed her appropriations of potential earnings after tax down to a T.  Who and what she will give money to and how much each will get. Charity and family rack up.  Her altruistic nature shines in this completely insane list she’s compiled.   


Myself and my brother make the cut (uh, we better!) and she specifies when we will be able to get the moneySo, we both get a total of 5 Million.  The catch is that we only start getting it after a degree is acquired (I already have an ASSOCIATES OF THE ARTS, so I’m not sure who she’s foolin’) and it will be dispersed in $100,000 increments annually.  This equals $8,333 monthly according to her old school table division.  I didn’t check the math.  I always hated math.  She told me this is because she still wants us to have to work for a few years, lol.  One plus is we get $300,000 up front to buy a house.  I can dig it. 

The bottom line is this is hilarious My sweet mother spends her Sunday afternoons calculating, cataloging, and brainstorming about money that she more than likely will never see.  It’s precious, really.  A true dreamer, this one. 

**FACT:  The Powerball Website says that the odds of winning the Grand Prize at Powerball are 1 in 292,201,338.00

You can check out other odds of winning here:

Do I support this compulsive, irrational behavior.  ABSOLUTELY.  I’m not a dream crusher.  This woman spends $16 a week ($768 a YEAR) on Powerball!  It’s a lifestyle.  Who am I to judge??!?  I hope with all my might she wins and can put these ridiculous lists to good use!






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